"Muscles Pull"

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was it like standing on a dock
staring out at
the cold cold water underneath

you know the shock is gonna suck
but you're burning up and
your nerves just beg for some relief

The world is not the same as it was yesterday
It'll never be again
Now hypotheticals can happen
And I lost sleep last night just planning how
to reel you right back in
but then you cut the line now it's too late
it'll always be too late

a broken down van in Massachusetts
and a shitty hotel room
how I am forced to picture you

I don't have a ton of details
but I probably could guess
and I assume it would be true

I wonder what you're thinking of when you're alone
and everything's just shit
and if you're body fought against you
Or did your muscles pull and play along
until they all went limp
did they think it was just another hollow empty threat

I wish that I believed your ghost exists
outside this fucking song
I wish that I believed in anything
in anything at all
There is no knowable causality
like dominoes that fall
And I've gained nothing save the knowledge that
the world's fucking awful
I wish that I believed your ghost exists
that I could talk to it
so second person pronouns didn't just make
me feel so damn stupid
And your last lingering impression is
this vacuum that you left
and I'll be damned if I want anyone
to come pound out that dent

wrote a song tonight. don't think I like it. maybe I can write a better one on the same theme. Basically the exact same song as "Bleeder" by alkaline trio, only by me.

Some chords:

x3x210 (I think that's Csus6?)
x5x53x (Dmin7)

for the second half of the progression, I'm not really sure where to go. The thing I like about the first two chords is that they have a prominent note in them other than the root (the 6th and the 7th respectively) that establishes a feeling of motion outside of what the chords might otherwise suggest. I'd ideally like to continue that into the second half of the progression. I like the sound of maybe B to G (both simple octaves) or similarly, B to D (octaves). Maybe alternate.

I liked this with a 12312312 type of 4/4 rhythm.

A good song that I'm still working on: Demo
A stupid song that I will never perform again in my entire life: Demo

I wrote a bit of a song last night. I demo'd it up, but I'm not ready to post anything yet. So far it's a single verse, but I think it has real growth potential. It follows the themes I've previously established for this record I hope to eventually make.

So February is over, and I definitely lost at FAWM. I only managed to post four songs, and of those, I dislike one. Still, I consider this a success in that I did manage to come up with three songs that I not only like, but like quite a bit. "Skull Mansion" now ranks amongst my favorite songs, and "Snowflakes" and "Visible Scars" both carry their own weight very well in my opinion.

I found this blog very helpful towards my songwriting process and I plan to maintain it throughout the year. I think one of my major problems when it comes to writing music is that my excitement to have it be heard leads me to rush things to completion. This blog allows me to show off things in progress, but without the pressure of calling it finished. As such, I've been able to tweak songs several times over to get them to a point where I like them. It's a good thing.

Due to a busy end of the month, involving many Rotundo Sealeg shows and even a Wood Burning Cat set, I've gotten out of the habit of working on music. I need to kick myself into gear and write some things. Even just something silly and stupid. I've been listening to a lot of twee lately, which might be good and might be bad for me. I'm not sure. I think the style is often a bit overdone, and is territory that should be tread carefully upon. Still, there is a lot to like about the sincerity that is often present. I could do well to pull some positive aspects from twee and apply them to what I've been doing already. Sucking some of the melo-drama out of my songwriting couldn't hurt.

A brief moment of retarded distraction. Here's a cover song I found on a cassette tape.

Yesterday I learned a few Elliott Smith songs on guitar, including "Last Call", which is one I've long wanted to cover. Elliott Smith is a guitarist and songwriter that I've long (and knowingly) underestimated. For some reason, I am constantly surprised by the quality of his work. You'd think I'd get the hint by now. In any case, I became very jealous of the mode mixing in "Last Call". The verses are in D, but with a borrowed G major, which is shifted to G minor right before the chorus, and the progression that follows is I guess G minor melodic? Regardless, it all sounds very smooth and very effective. The unconventional chords don't feel awkward, but instead give some emotional depth to the music.

I would like to give him a run for his money as best I am able, so I'm revisiting something I started the other day. This is in what I would consider to be A minor, but the first chord is instead A major. the progression for the verse is as follows: A F D E A F Bb E. Point of pride there, constructing a minor sounding riff out of all major chords. After that, I made a chorus out of the chords F G Am C Bb E A C#m F E A. In addition to that slightly fucked up Bb chord, the real weirdo in this progression is obviously the C#m. I like it. As usual though, and this never ceases to amaze or frustrate me, it's much easier to get into these weird notes than it is to get back out of them. As such, I'm not entirely happy with the F that immediately follows it. Maybe it's just a confidence issue? Maybe the right vocal melody will tie it together? We'll see.

There is no vocal melody on this demo, but the verse will be the same melody (roughly) as the earlier demo. CLICK IT.

SONG FOUR POSTED, MOTHERFUCKER

It's called "Visible Scars" and I wrote it while I should have been taking a nap.

HERE IS THE SONG.

Lyrics haven't been coming this last week, but I've been trying to come up with some potentially useful guitar parts. Here's something with a lot of mode mixing. A minor I suppose. Here's a demo.

I think this is subconsciously ripped off from a Commander Venus song. SHHH. Eminor / Gmajor riffing. I think there's a song in this.

Audio demo.

Song four is in progress. In the past, I might consider a song like this to be done. It meets the two minute mark, and it covers a lot of territory, but it doesn't feel finished yet. So far I am incredibly happy with this song. It's exactly along the lines of what I'm trying to tap into with my new songs, and I think I'm really getting to a point where I can just hit the switch and make these lyrics happen. I think if I slave over this song, I can turn it into something that is, at least by my own standards, fucking spectacular. Ironically, after all my bitching about the limitations of working in F major, I went and put this song in the relative minor key (all the same problematic notes).

Here is a demo.

Here are the lyrics so far:

there's eleven years that passed
since I found out about punk rock
another sixteen came before
they didn't add up to a hell of a lot
sometimes I slip up and I let myself believe
that something has a plan for what they thought that I should be
and if that be the case
why'd they make it be so fucking difficult
why not just drop me
virtually anywhere else
as if he thought somehow these trials would make me strong
and if he is infallable than how'd I prove him wrong
cause i've found what doesn't kill me
can only fuck me up beyond compare
and slow me down
and knock all of the wind out of my sails
and leave me floating with no specific goal
trust in every direction pointing me away from home
I never did no drugs
because no one ever offered them
and I've never even been drunk
and I think I have a good reason
I bet it feels the same as when I reach the end of the day
when the volume's cranked on everything and it makes me want to say

I hate your songs
cause they're so damn beautiful
and perfection on that level should not be attainable
I hate your songs
cause I can't figure it out
there's no secret ingredient you just open your mouth

WOO!

An idea in A minor. Pretty standard, except I use a minor 7 chord. Minor 7 chords are not, in and of themselves, nonstandard, but I'm usually too lazy to use them. At the end of this demo, there's a little parallel shift. That was obviously done on the fly. Who knows if I'd end up keeping something like that.

THIRD SONG POSTED

I've been doing bad at keeping this thing up. I think in part because I have virtually no readership. That makes sense, mind you, as this blog is RIDICULOUSLY self indulgent. Still, this blog has been helpful to my process, and I should work harder at keeping it current. The more lax I am on updating, the more lax I am at making good music. Case in point, I offer my most recent FAWM song. This one is called "Covered Bridges, Lighthouses and Landscapes" and it is posted here on the FAWM site.

In short, I hate this song. There are a few reasons.

1. Dynamically, it's flat. Now, a lot of this is in the way I chose to play the song, but some of it is built in. Some of me thinks that's not necessarily a bad thing. I increasingly regret my decision to put the song in the key of F. While I can sing a comfortable highish mid range in F, it doesn't allow me much else. The low octave of F that I can sing is strained, and my options for going higher are essentially out the window. So the song starts out in the same place it stays, vocally. This completely undercuts the bridge, for example, which basically sounds exactly like the chorus, but with different chords.

2. The lyrics are garbage. I should be above this sort of hokey crap by now. This whole, "one big metaphor" thing has not worked for me in the past, and it's probably not going to work for me in the future. I always feel transparent when I do things like this. That is not to say I can't take this metaphor and use it somewhere, but it should not be the entire lyrical content. I think in my last song, "Skull Mansion", I made good use of the line about snowflakes, which was a good multi-layered line. So I should be able to use this whole "puzzle" bullshit somewhere, but I need to balance it out with something.

UNRELATED

I need to figure out what this change is and rip it off. It's like a minor to major shift, and it might be a simple parallel change or it might be something else, but it sounds pretty awesome. I'll have to sit down with a guitar and work it out at some point.

SECOND SONG POSTED

"Skull Mansion" is now "finished", or at least, as close as the motherfucking thing is going to get for now. It could use some changes and fixes, but for now, I think my efforts would be best focused elsewhere. So for now, let's call this a wrap and take it off of my plate.

So now what are we working on?

- I've still got that thing in F major. It currently exists with a set of lyrics nearly completed, and though they aren't horrible, they don't really speak to me anymore. I plan to abandon the concept, but perhaps keep the musical piece.

- I'm behind schedule to come up with another new piece of music. It's the end of day 8, and I've only been working on 3 songs, I should be up to 5 by now, at least. Probably I should work on something before I go to bed. At least throw some chords together and sketch out a melody. I've done three things so far in major keys. I'm glad. I needed the practice. It might be a good time to try something minor though.

What was formerly referred to as "Delicate D Major Song" is now called "Skull Mansion", and features a completely new set of words. They are not yet finished.

Here is a demo.

And here are the words:

You will be
inside with your old TV
the world you see
restricted to 4:3
We used to see
an opportunity
in every flake's slow decent to the ground

the children will be quick to tell you there's no two alike
but all that I see is one damnable ocean of white

when you succeed
are you ever happy
or does it burn like another defeat
does it make you see
the impossibility
of fulfillment in the general sense

what good is a mansion if you still just live in your head
what's a perfect life if you spend it wishing you were dead

Also, my recent FAWM submission, "Snowflakes", has gotten zero comments after almost 24 hours posted! I'm so disappointed, given that I'm very happy with how that song came out. I was hoping at the very least it would piss somebody off.

FIRST SONG FINISHED!

This is actually a completely new song. I wrote this start to finish in like an hour. I'm so happy with it. http://fawm.org/songs/1390/

It's Wednesday morning. I just got home from work. Yesterday was a bit of a creative bust for me, and I did not really touch my guitar at all. At work last night, however, I did come up with a possible lyrical theme for the D major piece. It fits with the overall theme I've been developing for this project, but goes into some more specific territory. Before I go any further, here's what I've come up with. No demo at this time.

The faded sign
Adhered to your storm door lies
"This home is
protected by Pinkerton"
I don't think
that it's mere coincidence
You'd receive
some sense of security
from the very same thugs who are kicking the shit out of me
they come into my room late at night and they break me from sleep
and ask why it is that you're so far away from me.

That's what I've got so far. Anybody who shares my musical background should of course understand what the references are there. I'll explain some of it. This record is concerning itself primarily with a girl I knew 8 years ago. Tonight, seemingly out of nowhere, I remembered a small detail about her mom's house, which is that it had a sign on the door advertising, and I forget the exact wording, that a Pinkerton brand security system was in place. This sign was a lie. In addition to the famous strike breaking thugs of Rockefeller association, Pinkerton was or is also the name of a security company. I do not know if there are any connections between those two entities. Said security company sued Weezer when they released their 1996 classic record of the same name.

At the time when much of the events in the story unfold, I was more into Weezer and that specific album than can possibly be explained. I had the enthusiasm for that record that can only be held by a young fan who's never been burned by such extreme devotion. And this fervor was fueled in part by a number of uncanny similarities between Pinkerton lyrics and my relationship with said girl. I sound like a loser if I try to explain them.

In this song, if I continue on this theme, I may also "borrow" the following lines:

"what could you possibly see in little ol' three chord me"
"every time I pin down what I think I want it slips away"

Yet another development on the F Major idea. Despite earlier indications that I'd transpose this, it's still in F. At this point, it's likely to stay there. It's a bit of a strain on my low voice, but I can handle it. I decided to take the lyrics in a different direction, while still maintaining a few of the original lines.

"she ceased to exist quite some time ago
now she's just a word inside your head
repeated like a riddle with no answer
persisting like a joke that noone gets"
she is not a human being anymore
I may not admit it but I know you're right
she's just some self inflicted form of punishment
she is just my favorite rusty knife

And I've taken to thinking
my hands would melt if ever her I touched
and I've long since stopped dividing
the lines between my hatred and my love

and here I am with this gaping chest wound
a bloody trail of carnage in my wake
would you patch me up if I asked you to?
with your roll of 3M brand duct tape?
you are here and you are right in front of me
I'm the one one-thousand miles away
you could fix it all if I just let you
If I stopped killing myself I'd kill the pain

Some lyrics for the noodly D major thing I've been writing. Along with a demo.

Obviously (I hope) I would not be repeating the lyrics the way I did in this demo. That was just to illustrate how I hope to shape the dynamics of this song.

I don't know
if unconditional
can hold up to
the burden of me
when you pull me in
say you'll see me again
there's limits to
what I can believe

I know I'm a stupid kid but I'm not that naive